Year of the Homer Incident One

Year of the Homer started in earnest yesterday. I was too tired [and sore, read on] to get it all written up. Good thing I waited since someone else who shares my birthday (Jeanne “Marcotte”) inherited the exact same crisis. With it being my birthday over the weekend, Kenny and Scott were generous enough to cover my Sunday opening shift at the shop. After sleeping in, we headed out for breakfast with my regulars. Then Somara pointed out the latest front the ants have opened up in our ongoing war with them [a futile conflict in Texas]. I stupidly assumed she had her keys in her purse as I closed the locked door. Why did I assume? Because she exited the house already and as I shut it, I realized that I lacked my keys. I had experienced the first major “D’oh!” of the Year of the Homer. Oddly, we remembered to take our cell phones. Turns out Jeanne did the exact same thing yesterday too at her house in Potomac. Helen has concluded that there was something in the DNA of people born on July 29 happening. 
 
Several phone calls later and the assistance of our sister-in-law in Georgetown, a local locksmith tech arrived for $70. What followed was horrifying. The tech didn’t even use the good tools, he popped the doorknob’s lock in less than 30 seconds with a pick [I confirmed what he used]. I told him what he did wasn’t very encouraging. His response was “That’s a Quikset lock. I wouldn’t put one of those on my bathroom doors!” I did get a recommendation of a brand he said would give burglars a harder time. With breakfast concluded, we just invested $150 at Lowe’s on three Schlaegel-branded sets and figured out a better emergency plan. 
 
The Homer stuff didn’t end at the lockout but it did go in a positive direction, until painkillers were needed later in the day. My wife, Somara, has only been bowling (one of Homer’s favorite activities) once and had been asking me to take her. We went to Main Event since it’s the only place I could think of that doesn’t have leagues to take up all the lanes. Seems I still have Milwaukee in my DNA despite moving away 15 years ago. I had a 451 (152-166-133) series. Not too shabby since I bowl once every other year these days. As for the wife? Don’t be expecting to see her on ESPN. I’m no pro but I know the essentials: don’t imitate the pros on TV with the powerful hook shoots and use the heaviest ball you can because keeping your arm straight is the best thing you can do. 
 
Only 362 days of the Year of the Homer remain, may yesterday be the only one that yields a “D’oh!” Then again, there is a Las Vegas trip planned in the near future.