This latest stinkburger from George Lucas only got considered for a couple reasons:
- We’ve heard decent things about the TV series on Cartoon Network from children and adults alike. I guess that when you lower the bar, even Lucas can produce an adequate program. This isn’t meant to insult CN but when a movie franchise is adapted for television, especially cable, expectations aren’t very high.
- This was an experiment with our PS3’s ability to download and play back a rental. Sony is trying to get into the same action as MS via Xbox 360, Apple’s iTunes/Apple TV and Netflix via TiVo. Since we don’t own any of the others, we thought we’d give it a shot. It was OK, any gripes would be the throughput of my wireless connection
The plot gets rolling some time after the movie known as Dumbest Title Ever (or Attack of the Clones). Count Dooku and his Separatists appear to be winning the conflict as more worlds are signing up against the Republic. Then Jabba the Hutt’s son is covertly kidnapped by Dooku’s apprentice Ventress. If Anakin successfully rescues the little slug, the crimelord will express his gratitude by allowing the Republic’s fleet passage through Hutt-controlled space; thus giving the Republic an advantage in mobilizing its forces to the Fringe worlds. I guess that’s where the bulk of the fighting takes place. To make this flick kid friendlier, Yoda saddles Anakin with his own apprentice named Ahsoko Tano (yet another name generated randomly by dice).
All I can say in Clone‘s defense is how this could’ve been much worse. The action sequences are the only entertaining parts, much like the last three prequels. I was surprised with the level of violence this contained for a program aimed at children. There’s nothing graphic: clone troopers are shot, they fall down and they die. At least they don’t fade away and respawn. Only objects or robots get the brunt of the lightsabres. Now the level of violence shown isn’t a criticism, believe me, the lack of it ruined the first Alien v. Predator. I just figured this would be milquetoast battles because of the overwhelming idiocy plaguing children’s programming since the Seventies, back when Superman could only give Lex Luthor a stern look on The Superfriends. Maybe CN can do it because of their cable standards.
In the end, this movie kills 80 minutes, keeps the kids occupied for as long and continues to remind adults how much Star Wars started to suck after The Phantom Menace, especially when Ziro the Hutt (Jabba’s uncle) speaks. Had I known in advance that Tennessee Williams rose from the grave to provide this alien such weak dialog in a Blanche Dubois accent, I would’ve conducted my PS3 experiment with Get Smart starring Steve Carell.