During our inaugural stay with Tahiti Village (2008), the lobby had a stand full of brochures plugging the numerous attractions in and around Las Vegas: Hoover Dam, the Grand Canyon, Cirque du Soleil, etc. One that got our attention was this Las Vegas Gun Store saying you could legally fire a machine gun there. Having seen scores of action movies, played numerous video games and read the ongoing arguments in d20 RPGs, I was curious to see what it was like. Maybe I could call bullshit on some discussions I’ve participated in, namely with the gamer crowds since FPS franchises tend to be ridiculously unrealistic (this contributes to military recruiters preying on the stupid).
Our curiosity had to wait a couple years but when we were planning the 2010 trip, I called the LVGS from Austin to see if there were any pre-requisites: a safety course, reservations, background checks. The man on the phone said just to show up at least 15 minutes before closing, the staff takes care of all safety. I told him about my ‘research’ and he laughed saying, “Oh this ain’t like Call of Duty.” With a recommendation from a co-worker, we were determined to check it out.
We had so much fun last Summer, LVGS was on the short list to repeat. I stuck with the Zombie Hunter package again because I can live with blowing away comic-book drawings of the undead. The photo-based stuff is a tad unsettling. There are others: WWII, Coalition (what most US/Allied soldiers carry today), Ladies (a pink AK-47 with a Hello Kitty sticker on it) and some you pick. With the ZHP, you get to fire the four most common guns used in the genre: a shotgun, an Uzi, a sidearm (the 1911) and an assault rifle. (Somara has the silhouette guide giving the exact names if you care.) All this for $150 and you get a cool T-shirt at the end.
Certified is a bit much. I would say I'm more of a passable zombie killer.
Now those of you who know my politics are thinking, “Wait? You’ve changed your mind on gun control?” Hell no! Firstly, this store existing in Nevada isn’t a shock. Prostitution is legal (in counties with less than 400,000 people). Trucks pulling three trailers are legal (Mexico allows four). Las Vegas itself is an R-rated DisneyWorld. Why not throw a little violence into the mix for a state with rather lax laws! (See if Ron Paul and his brownshirts can stomach what he preaches.) However, there will never be a gun allowed in my house. I was on the wrong end of one 20 years ago thanks to a twitchy roommate; all I was doing was taking the trash out.
Besides, to me this is similar to playing in a giant video game. I equate LVGS as a safe, controlled environment, the way it should be. An amusement park for adults. I asked if I could bring in targets of Cylons which are sold through a fan site. The staff said, sure, the rules only forbid any real living/historical/political figures. Robots who want to exterminate the human race are acceptable in my book. Now to figure out which guns they use in BSG for next trip’s deal.
How did I do? Better with the shotgun than last year. I didn’t bruise my shoulder. My dislike of automatic weapons was reinforced. Should the world come to an end like those movies, you can have the Uzi, they suck and jam too easily. As you see below, Capt. Fangs would’ve killed me if he were the sprinting type (Zombieland, 28 Days Later or Dawn of the Dead 2004).
Rule #34: Zombies don't understand suppression fire.
The place certainly has its appeal with foreign visitors. We’ve encountered customers from the UK, Australia, Germany and South Korea. I asked if there was an age requirement. They said no, it’s height and then saw the kid package: kids get shafted with .22-based stuff which even I have tried in high school (long story). LVGS is also a favorite destination for bachelor parties. The female staffers make sure the groom’s attire is altered for the occasion. While we were leaving, there was a wedding reception getting started. I kid you not. The bride was in her gown and the men in tuxedos. Maybe it was a little celebration after the photos and before the real, big reception. I think the bride’s father would’ve been bankrupted outfitting a couple hundred people.
These guys were the bachelor party before us. One participant let me have a copy of the photo. I blurred out their faces to keep their identities secret.
So if you ever do make it to Las Vegas and you have about $150 or more to spare, I highly recommend this place, especially if you’re enjoying Hollywood’s flood of Zombie stuff: The Walking Dead is supposedly pretty good and they’ll probably do Zombieland 2. I personally have Zombie fatigue when it comes to watching these things so I will be doing a customized Toaster-killing package.
I’ll close with my success against the Zombie clown who resembles Tim Curry from the TV miniseries It.