My recent bout with Cedar Fever or a cold, I have no idea, took its usual turn for the awful, leaving me pretty bed-ridden for another few days. Somara working all the extra hours didn’t help since it helps to talk this stuff through. On the upside, I do have an appointment to see my doctor soon.
While I was home, nursing all things mental, spiritual and physical, I started binge-watching Maron on Netflix. His opening speech on the pilot said it best regarding how I feel lately, I’ll paraphrase because he peppers it with F-bombs. I wish I could quiet the nagging voice in my mind saying, “You’re going to blow it! You’re going to screw it up!” yet I probably need it to scream louder than the other one yelling, “Let’s destroy stuff! Let’s screw this up!” It’s a reflection on self-sabotage whenever one feels that matters are going too well. Conventional wisdom says failure is a natural part of success, especially on those preachy billboards plugging Edison, Michael Jordan and Lincoln. True. However, when you’ve experienced a rather continuous string of failures over numerous years, success is an alien concept.
Let’s see how it goes today and the rest of the week. There are great things scheduled like the postponed live Archer reading, the Stars playing at home and my first real D&D game in years.