A windfall courtesy of some (financial) vultures

When we picked up our mail Friday morning, Somara opened this weird envelope addressed to me from an auditor. We thought, “Great, what crock of BS will this be? Yet another company wanting to buy our timeshare? What?” It was some weird letter from some group claiming I have $624 owed to me from another organization which sounded like a charity. Anyway, if I filled out the form, provided a copy of my driver’s license, something with my Social Security Number on it and an old bill proving I did reside at my former address circa 1996-7, the helpful group would file the claim on my behalf. The catch was that these “helpers” take 10 percent of the dough for their assistance.

Firstly, I smelled a rat. It read like an identity-theft scam. Secondly, why would a charity owe me, especially such a large amount and during a time I barely gave anything.

I turned over the investigation to Somara. As I am the Finance Minister of the Maggi Republic, Somara is the SEC Chairman, thanks to her research skills via the Internet. She figured it out in an hour at work too after she quizzed me about my whereabouts from 1996-7 which wasn’t anything new; nothing about my past is a secret to her, even the vomit in my pocket incident from 1986.

  1. What I thought was a charity is actually the name of the corporation which runs Seton Hall, the hospital near 38th and Guadelupe. More of a front in my opinion. It probably makes people think it’s a non-profit organization.
  2. The group that wrote the letter was correct: I am owed $624 according the (Texas) State Comptroller’s office.
  3. However, this group would take 10 percent for something I could do myself because the state won’t deliver the check any faster, regardless of who filed. Plus the state takes one percent. So, I have these jokers do it and lose 11 percent versus one. Even the idiots who set the world economy on fire could do the math when 60 clams are at stake.

I called the hotline for the Comptroller’s office to see if my dogeared SSN card would do and would my claim be accepted without any paperwork showing I lived at the apartment in question: I had a PO Box then and I only keep my taxes as far back as seven years as per the audit rules. The nice lady said yes to the first and if the state needed more information on the second, it would be requested in writing. Due to my name being very rare and having a Texas DL since 1995, the odds favored me collecting the money. I mentioned the gold digger letter. She said those people can’t help and not to use them. Seems like this has been going around.

Overall, I’m stoked over any substantial monetary gain because every dime helps toward paying off Sallie Mae, buying a new car or a trip to Las Vegas. I may not receive it for 60 to 90 days but so what, it’s gravy as this point. What I’m happier about is the amount being a 33 percent refund for the crap I was put through from 1996-2000. I can only hope the money was taken from the collection agency. My “case officer” was a d-bag out of Houston who was often pushy, hostile and rude on the phone, including the day I called to make sure the debt had been paid in full.

What a great story to kick off my new MacBook’s inaugural post! I can only hope the rest of you had a great final weekend of Summer.

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