I wish I knew but while I was home sick, I did do some heavy and deep reflecting over the last few months. Not just about work. Many tangential elements centered around me, me and me! I mean, I have a pretty good and fulfilling life outside of work. I gave up that crap of letting it define me years ago. It doesn’t mean I’m a mercenary, I just finally improved on separating it or turning it off once I clocked out.
For starters, Somara is safe and fine. Divorce, separating or whatever, isn’t in the stars. Same goes for my cats. By the way, despite her skeletal appearance and horrible matts, Miette is continuing to thrive. Friendships? A few are being re-assessed since I am not an out-of-sight-out-of-mind person unlike the ones on my shit list. Side work too; we are closing in on 50.
Let me circle back to work due to the cryptic message on FaceBook which worried a couple. I haven’t quit. What I have done is inform my manager of my plans to either leave the organization. This could be for another department or another employer altogether. I’m a realist so the smart money is likely on the latter until I received a phone call yesterday. I’m not going to jinx it by saying whom or what.
Hold on, why does another employer seem stronger? A few reasons. The majority point toward the cliquish nature of the powers that be plus HR’s policy against retaliation has as much credibility as JEB Bush’s foreign-policy team amongst the rank-and-file employees. Besides, I think I want to start again at the ground floor with someone smaller. I miss working as the underdog. Success is nice don’t get me wrong, my checking account can vouch for this. The intangible costs become too expensive eventually. I guess I’m also a bad American for not putting money at the top of the list when it comes to a job requirement. Austin is a no San Fran/José (thankfully!) yet we’re overrun with startups and many are inane enough to be on HBO’s Silicon Valley. Convincing them the importance of having a diplomat/customer-service expert is a hard sell. The ratio of Type A(sshole) personalities who admire Jobs, Cuban, Zuckerberg and sometimes Rand, is higher than the real world. Trying to launch any kind of product without a customer service team is on par with flying in an experimental plane sans parachute; better to have it and not need it than the other way around. With customer service, you still need it because no product, especially anything involving computers, will ever be perfect. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.
So my manager took the announcement well. She wanted to know if the door would be left open and I had to politely say the odds are really thin due to the condition I needed. It’s not unreasonable given what has been occurring over the last six months, I just have 20 years of experience knowing how matters play out with the political figures involved. I will continue to give my best efforts to do the tasks I have on deck, I just want to avoid taking on anything I’ll have to abandon should I get my wish to transfer/leave. I’m a bit sad too. My current manager is a good person, leader and filled with many good ideas. Hell, we were often on the same page on how to assist the team members. I did have to let her know I wasn’t swallowing the lies I was being told on my backfills being suspended as I listed the evidence to the contrary. Plus I did discuss with other experts internally and externally on said the conditions, they mostly agreed that the “explanation” was really an excuse and it would morph into something else as I continued to comply with the groupthink while not getting what I wanted. I never want to relive the bullshit I endured with GDW.
Let’s see how the dice rolls pan out. Will I get a natural “20” for a change or will it be automatic fumble via the cursed natural “1.” I’m more likely to get something in between, probably on the low side but I think with my experience, skills and allies, I have a strong cumulative modifier to push the outcome to still come out to be 15 or higher.
More as it happens. I may have additional time to keep on writing/posting all of the sudden! To quote Rodney Dangerfield’s final days on the near future.
Fan/Friend: Hey Rodney! How long are you going to be in the hospital?
Rodney: If all goes well, a couple of weeks. If not, 45 minutes!
One more thing. I always remember the musical advice Roland Orzabal of Tears For Fears gave me in “Goodnight Song” while I was depressed, choking back the tears, eating at a Taco Bell in Peoria during my lunch hour in late 1993. And no, it wasn’t being caused by their food or how awful Peoria was…
Get some honesty
Take the best of me and then the rest let go
In every situation with its tireless rage
Step outside your cage and let the real fool show
I should have stayed round to break the ice
I thought about it once or twice
But nothing ever changes unless there’s some pain