Better Off Without ’em by Chuck Thompson

Better Off is a long, multi-page, darkly humorous argument on how the American South (aka, the Deep South) should be allowed to secede because the region is an albatross around America’s neck. Being a Yankee from Lincoln’s home town, I was already sold on the title alone.

Through Thompson’s acerbic wit, painful statistics and facts are brought to light regarding the South’s decades-long chronic problems: irrational religiosity, hostility toward government at any level, racism, a low regard for education, militarism and their myths (really lies) about the American Civil War. He wastes a chapter on college football and how the SEC is an overrated conference thanks to ESPN’s financial interests through rigged bowl championships. Afterwards, he points out the biggest danger we now face, the South’s shitty attitudes have infected other regions: right-to-screw-you laws (now in WI and MI), school segregation and “tax reform.” Look at Trump’s cabinet for easy examples.

Being able to ditch embarrassing places such as Mississippi, Alabama, Arkansas, South Carolina, the northern half of Florida, all of Louisiana minus New Orleans and other select pieces would be a dream come true. The US has pissed away trillions trying to bring these areas up to speed to no avail. They continue to lead the country in poor education levels, unwanted pregnancies, child abuse, substance abuse, obesity and horrible racial incidents. In exchange, they’ve poached good-paying jobs from the North and West and other countries (Europe namely) via corporate welfare which in turn is really money Southern governments steal from education, healthcare and other infrastructure projects. Oh yeah, those good-paying jobs are transformed into mediocre-paying jobs, see car factories and Boeing’s Southern Carolina operation the NLRB has often smacked on the knuckles. Thompson theorizes that Southerners will accept getting screwed over now for their evangelical beliefs have convinced them about the world ending soon. Hence, it explains their disconnect on Climate Change, mass extinction and whatever else we liberals are pushing for in the long run.

It doesn’t help when the South also has a disproportionate amount of representation in the Federal government through a combination of internal migration patterns and our idiotic bi-cammeral system. Southern apologists will argue they’re doing something right due to all the people moving to their states. Bullshit. When I moved to Austin 24 years ago, I can say with a straight face, I didn’t choose Texas over its tax policies or so-called growth. I came for the weather and the average education level amongst Austinites. Had my friend Doc offered me a job deep in Ammosexual, KKKrisitan (Thompson’s moniker for the Evangelicals) country, I would’ve said, “No thanks, I’ll keep freezing my ass off in Central IL.” If it were Houston, Dallas or San Antonio, I would’ve mulled it over and flipped a coin.

Anyway, despite the author’s negative-yet-highly-accurate portrait of America’s backwater, I think the tide will turn via the South’s growing metropolises. Firstly, Texas will be a major factor to break their hold on the Federal government. It is not entirely in the South, especially in its four largest cities and the Western side is more aligned with the Southwest so it can turn Blue. Secondly, the Republicans are living on borrowed time as the demographics shift through immigration and migration. In the past, Turd Cruz’s re-election would have been a done deal. Today, his Democratic opponent is within the margin of error should the election be held today. Lastly, people with such regressive thinking are dying off as they should. Better Off was written in the middle of Obama’s second term, Thompson wasn’t aware of our current national nightmare.

Thankfully, Lawrence Wright has written a pretty counter book I plan to read called God Save Texas.

In conclusion, is Better Off worth reading? Not entirely. People who share my mindset already know what plagues the Deep South and it won’t change the minds of the people he’s ridiculing, such as my cousin who grew up in Alaska, a place infected by the South’s bigotry, militarism and willful ignorance.

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