Seasonal joke from SXSW Douchebags

dunejoke

Fall is just about to begin but Starbucks has gotten into the act of affecting the calendar in the last few years via pumpkin-spice flavored beverages. This being America, it also gets some people’s blood “up” because it’s a more interesting argument than the Syrian civil war or which billionaire-puppet will be the GOP nominee. I’m not perfect neither. Trust me, people who cannot pronounce coupon are the equivalent of nails being dragged across a chalkboard. It’s “COO” morons! As in the French word to cut, where it originates! It isn’t “CUE”! Learn to read more than FB and Twitter posts!

Back to pumpkin-flavored stuff.

It’s no skin off my nose. Tastes have changed. I don’t think many people like pumpkin pie anymore or have any taste for it beyond Thanksgiving dinner. Me? I like it all the time and yes, I know, 99 percent of “pumpkin” anything is really a squash which tastes better. Pumpkins and squash are related and belong to the gourd family, no problem.

The arrival of Starbucks’ push is on par with other seasonal delicacies America has developed.

  • King cakes: From January 6 until Mardi Gras.
  • Shamrock shakes: Usually just McDonald’s from late February to St. Patrick’s Day, but when I was a kid Hardee’s did them.
  • Fruitcake and egg nog: Post-Thanksgiving to New Year’s. I’m with Alton Brown in defense of Fruitcake too, there are awesome ones so please can your weak, tired jokes.
  • Candy: Valentine’s Day, Easter and Halloween.
  • Caramel, carmel and candy-coated Apples: Halloween.
  • Outdoor grilling: These seems to be emphasized on Memorial Day, Labor Day and the Fourth of July. In Texas we can do it through winter.
  • Easter Eggs: I’m stumped on any other time you’re compelled to eat hard-boiled eggs in America.
  • Black-eyed peas: I recall some people eating this after New Year’s. No idea what the significance was.

If you can think of more, please disclose them. I’m dying to know. These were just the ones off the top of my mind.

As for you Pumpkin Spice Bitchers. Firstly, I’m neutral. Secondly, no one is making you drink this so find something less Seinfeldian to complain about. I’ll throw you a bone…America’s pointless and sycophantic obsession with the English royal family.

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