This little-known comedy starring Robert Urich (there’s a memorable name) was something I must’ve seen a dozen times on cable because Showtime and HBO played it to death in 1985. Then Waterloo Records had it on Blu-Ray like Night of the Comet, so I had to have it, mainly to share with Somara. Pirates also has supporting roles for Anjelica Houston, John Matuszak and Ron Perlman!
Anyway, it’s a goofy sort of comedy involving a weird far future in which water is the most valuable commodity in the galaxy. If you have any decent knowledge of Science, especially Astronomy, Chemistry or Physics, you already know the movie’s premise is flawed since water is a pretty common compound we’ve found on the Moon, Mars and numerous moons orbiting the gas giants.
Bad Astronomy nitpicking session aside…
Captain Jason and his band of pirates try to steal some ice from an Imperial convoy but he gets captured with his trusty mate Roscoe. They’re spared the fate of being turned into eunuch servants by Princess Karina who has need for them. Seems her father found a planet called the Seventh World where water flows normally: rain, oceans, rivers, etc. The Empire wants the world for its own purposes, probably to keep the price of water high.
Besides the action/fight scenes, Pirates is filled with rather low-brow humor: a robot pimp, space herpes, cock jokes, racial digs, gender gags, etc. Some of this wouldn’t play out today as attitudes have changed about certain groups. Does it hold up after 30 years? Actually, yeah. The special effects were cheap even by 1984 standards but I always thought that was part of its charm. Maybe I should make it an event/game at next year’s Chupacabracon with the upcoming Starfinder rules or d20 Traveller.
My own first experience with Ice Pirates was as a 3D film shown on a movie night in the auditorium of the Student Union at Illinois State University.
(As I recall, the Student Union was also where Jenny and I saw Creature from the Black Lagoon in 3D, though projected on one of those roll-up portable screens, and from the discomfort of folding chairs. But I digress.)
The 3D for Ice Pirates was so screwed up that I could barely see what was going on, so I left about 10 minutes in, wishing from the sound that I could have experienced the whole film.
Maybe 20 years later, I stumbled across it without 3D on some TV station in time to catch the rest. I found it amusing, but I think by then I’d discovered Joel and the Robots (season 2, when they were on Ha!), and I sort of wished I were watching it with them.
I’ll never forget that castration conveyor belt. 😀