Wow! Thirty years ago the hammer fell on me as if it were a pallet of bricks. Sadly, I had a feeling it was coming but the lecture/firing was still a punch in the throat. Matters at GDW and my life were all going to crap rather rapidly for the last couple months so what did I seriously expect?
Getting canned 10 days before Christmas was the final insult from the company’s clueless president Frank Chadwick and his current toady, alcoholic Dave Nilsen. If I could do it all over again, of course knowing what I know now, I would’ve quit after Lester announced his position with TSR (the former number-one company in roleplaying games); followed up with a “kiss my ass” speech to the sociopathic GDW staff members (excluding Stvee and poor Loren). Then pack up my junk, move to Austin or make the pitch to Grandma about pursuing a second degree at Illinois State (French!). The latter was rather sinister because I was confident she’d pay for it all due to it being her alma mater.
Bailing alongside Lester was the braver thing to do yet I was 24, inexperienced at Life and a coward, some things never change. The fear and mental/spiritual damage GDW did to me would continue to scar me for years. I remember crying tears of sadness (and relief) as it was over. The dream job had already become a nightmare anyway. When I joined GDW, the game company was in the black for the first time in years thanks to Bush the Elder’s Re-election Distraction known as the Gulf War. Before Iraq foolishly fell for the trap the GOP laid out for Hussein, Frank’s poor leadership and ego were causing GDW to bleed for his game Space 1889. Even when I was there, I loved the game’s premise. Its mechanics (or rules), character creation namely, were its biggest shortcoming. Much like all his company’s past designs (Traveller, Twilight:2000, 2300 AD, Dark Conspiracy), PCs lacked detail to the point it felt like you were playing a more elaborate, somewhat boring and frustrating war-game; GDW’s other money pit.
Thankfully the Gulf Distraction of 1991 saved GDW from bankruptcy via a handbook Frank mostly wrote with it breaking down all the forces, history, whatever…regarding what was labelled by the Pentagon’s Propaganda as Desert Shield. It was incredibly successful. It made over seven digits in revenue and got Frank booked on Good Morning America to plug it. Here I will give him credit for good writing and “translating” all those Janes guides to a general audience. I wouldn’t be shocked at how unprepared the Media was too; their collective lips were stitched to Generals Powell and Schwarzkopf’s asses in the press conferences. Now the little game company standing in TSR’s shadow would carry on to released Dark Conspiracy…
…only to squander its fortunes within a year publishing Gary Gygax’s horrendous ego trip packaged as a comeback.
According to the late Loren Wiseman, there were things in the licensing arrangement shielding GDW from certain liabilities and expenses. It didn’t matter, Mythus drained GDW of vital resources working on the turd burger. After GenCon 1992, the news and verdict were in, the game was dead on arrival. All Gygax’s bullshitting to Frank on how Mythus would take down D&D and TSR had come to light. TSR’s lawsuit also scared away all the other crap Gygax promised via third parties; a video game tie-in, novels and minis. I was just young and too stupid to keep my despair and criticism to myself, which was the final straw in my termination. Frank and Dave only decided to hit me in the nuts after I returned from a terrible “vacation” in Raleigh, NC to see my parents. Hence, why I never took a real vacation for several years, fear of another firing upon return.
Did they do the right thing? In my eyes then, no. In their eyes then, of course, they were brilliant and could right the sinking ship (HA!). Within a month though I realized, it was the better result for me since GDW was the Titanic and I was better off trying to tread the freezing ocean instead of staying onboard to drown with certainty. All the people kissing Frank and Dave’s ass were laid off through attrition, so much for their loyalty, until GDW folded for good on February 29, 1996.
Frank was compelled to lecture me on what he thought was best for my future, a job with more structure or some Boomer horse shit; look at the mess Amerika is in 30 years later with his generation’s leadership. I went down shooting though. Besides telling him Gary’s next genre Unhallowed was pointless to print given Call of Cthulhu and Ravenloft already having the Horror RPG market wrapped up. I also said Gary screwed you and I could see it slightly in his face on how he realized this fact too late; others he confided in in the industry had told him not to get in bed with Gary a year earlier and he was never known to heed good advice. Dave got a parting shot while I was at it, I may be negative but at least I’m working hard on trying to make the deadlines while Dave is in your office all the time talking shit about everybody. He responded with how hurt he felt by my remarks and given his growing drinking problem, I’m guessing he only consumed an eye-opener before the meeting, making that answer coherent.
I said my goodbyes to the art department, settled my soda tab with Loren, turned in my office keys and left to go sit in my apartment to let the shock of it all sink in. The parents were no help. Dad said, don’t go out and get drunk; no shit, I’m broke now. Mom probably used the situation to pitch moving to Raleigh again. I already made it clear I would rather be dead than live in the Deep South’s version of Indiacrapolis.
The next few weeks were brutal. Fortunately, my parents continued their winning streak on being wrong. All my friends in Chicago and around Bloomington-Normal came to my rescue! I wasn’t socially ostracized. I celebrated New Year’s Eve/Day the best I could with the Silders. I struggled with getting back into reading for leisure now that it was no longer my job. I learned how much the unemployment system is an insult in Amerika. The coolest thing was honing my Desktop publishing skills courtesy of the Macintosh LC I received as a graduation present. I’m lucky the Internet was nothing like it is today, I would’ve been way less productive writing and laying stuff out. All the distractions we have today! For me it would be Wiki Rabbit Holes!
When Dave slagged me for the job with kinko’s, I wish I had the resources to file suit for retaliation. Maybe Frank would’ve canned his drunk dumb ass as another lawsuit was the last thing they needed as TSR was killing them. It didn’t matter in the end. I landed work with the service bureau GDW used to utilize and again, through my network of friends, I had a new permanent job with Dynamics Graphics (RIP 2009) by May 1993. My quest for Austin followed by the beginning of the next year.
Things worked out. Not just 30 years later but easily within two. I was living in a warmer place. I was living in a more interesting, vibrant community…hell, an actual city again! Although I didn’t get the internship with the employer I wanted at the end of 1994 and matters were souring at University Towers, I had come through a much worse experience.
Many years later, I have had my revenge in the best way possible, living well! I’ve owned a house for 21 years, I have bought four cars, I have been visiting Las Vegas for 25 years, I have been married/divorced, dated multiple women (impossible in B-N) and met over 100 celebrities I love/respect. Some of you might thing I’m being mean, bitter and nasty at Frank and Dave. C’mon, it’s been 30 years, let it go! I’ve let go enough but remember, I’m an Atheist, there’s nothing my “beliefs” dictating forgiveness as a tenant. The firing isn’t their offense against me, it was all their undermining and shit treatment leading up to it. A major lesson I have learned about good and effective leadership from those I respect, the key is to set up your charges for success and to listen. If you have to take disciplinary action to “help” them, then you better also lay out a map to guide them in order to achieve the “correction goal.” Otherwise, you’re an asshole and you don’t have to balls to fire them in the first place which is true motivation.
Numerous thanks to all the people who came to my emotional, fiscal and mental aid! Especially Steve and his three cats then (Brandy, Copper and Lestat). Paul & Helen for the monthly visits to Chicago for good conversations. Nelson for his encouragement and phone calls! Phil for being my brother-in-arms in underemployment. José for phone calls and being an overnight DJ. Lester and his wish to rehire me if GDW were bought up by TSR, it almost happened. Lazz who is a ghost now. Rad who helped me get the gig at DG. Lastly, the late Loren Wiseman who was a gentle giant and someone I never bore any ill will at for GDW, History, Classical Music and games were his life. If there’s an after life, I hope he’s having fun playing his faves with historical figures he admired. Should I forget your name, my apologies. It has been 30 years.