I love toys, it’s no secret!Some of my fellow Tribe members “collect” action figures. Me, whatever! I just toys are fascinating, fun and something we need to encourage children to engage with and enjoy. Pull the tablets, phones and vidiya-games (Hank Hill accent) away for a couple hours, give them LEGO, Playmobil, etc and their imaginations will get cracking. I bet it’s why I have good shot at not contracting Alzheimers.
Along with conventional, commercially-made toys, I immensely enjoy stuff made as a joke or of an esoteric nature. The latter you can get easily through Super 7. I’ll bore y’all about my collection of them another day. Today, the focus is on the former via this funny guy in Chicago whose handle is Death by Toys. He makes them mostly by hand and much of the stuff I’ve seen is repurposed figures from commercial toys, aka kit bashing. I want to highlight this one which represents an ongoing problem highlighting a horrible side effect of technology known as the smart phone. Alamo resolved my ongoing peeve with assholes talking during a movie and the iPhone/Android took over with morons thinking its their right to be camera operators during the show. Woe to any of you stuck behind them as their fuckin’ phones obstruct your view since, “Oh, my friend couldn’t make it so I’m streaming for them!” Just keep it up dumbasses. It won’t be long before concerts implement this pain-in-the-ass practice I have endured lately with stand-up comedy where the venue forces you to put your phone into a magnetically-sealed case. You get to keep your phone but it’s trapped in the case. Why? The comedian doesn’t want people recording their routine, posting it on YouTube, FeceBook, TikTok, etc. because then others won’t come to see them or buy the album they’ll eventual release. And given how Amerikans especially think it’s their “freedom” or “right” to violate the terms and conditions on the tickets saying, you can’t record the show, it’s come to this. The honor system is for chumps thanks to these people. It’s also not exclusive to Mills and Z, a friend said Boomers were equally rude at an R&B concert. What pisses me off more with the comedy club’s policy is my Apple Watch has to be included in the case. Why? The ignorant staff told me at Joe DeRosa’s set, “You could record a voice memo.” I could. It would probably sound like crap but I respect comedians too much to do such a rude, selfish thing. Plus, the last time I checked, I’m not a douchebag as per the action figure shown above.
So go ahead ravers, wannabe documentarians or in short, idiotic thieves, keep doing this. Just wait until concerts require the same crap as comedy. On the upside, you’ll relearn how to enjoy the performance and be in the moment which is the primary point of seeing the artist live. The downside you’re really going love and I experienced firsthand last year at the John Mulaney show. It wasn’t at Cap City or Cave & Creek or even the Paramount Theater. He was booked at the HEB/CPC where my Stars play. Not an ideal spot for stand-up comedy in my opinion as I’ve never been impressed by the likes of Dane Cook or Eddie Murphy doing this. John was funny and I had a good time until it was time to leave. Thanks to those cases to lock down about several thousand phones and HEB/CPC not having enough staff, I was stuck in the venue for an additional 20 minutes in queue. This bled into the second performance being delayed by at least half an hour as those ticket holders couldn’t be let in until the first were completed. There’s a counter saying, oh they won’t go that far. People with important jobs such as doctors require access if an emergency happens. Uh huh. I know what the security people will counter with and they’re right, “If it’s important, why are you here? You should’ve thought about it before you showed up and gotten someone to cover.”
Meanwhile, I’ll be seeing Death Cab for Cutie at one of their two sold-out shows this week. Can’t wait to kick one of these “ravers” in the shins if they rudely block my view. Fear not, I will have already asked nicely several times before it comes to aggression while concert security sits, twiddling its collective thumbs, not enforcing the contract on the ticket.