MAGGI PICAYUNE

Austin’s more left-leaning, weekly publication, the Austin Chronicle posted their annual April Fool’s joke a day early. But much like The Onion, given how bat-shit crazy, cynical and stupid the Texas Republican-dominated gubmint is, this isn’t too far off on how they’d solve my adopted state’s teacher-retention problems. I quickly shared it with my cousin Dana in Florida. Her first reaction was, “DeSantis better not see this or else he’ll try to one up Texas.” I guessed Meatball Ron would throw in a day-pass to a religious theme park since Disney outmaneuvered his goon-packed takeover; sucks when you have to applaud the evil corporation over an evil government.

I willingly admit I was suckered for a bit until the part with the tip jar. Republicans don’t allow their enemies benefits of any sort without taxing the crap out of it. Should the TEA and other organizations convert it into bribes…I mean, campaign contributions, then it would be OK.

Sadly, there is another element actually happening, the bullshit charter movement. I have been an opponent of this bait-and-switch GOP game since college. Back when I was at Marquette, there was this upper classman working at Public Safety who did nothing but blather on how it would solve Milwaukee’s problems. The main strategy in his litany hasn’t changed to this day, firing “bad” teachers being the cornerstone. Somehow the magic of the market and the invisible hand would result in only quality education staffing since charters would be right-to-screw employers. Libertarians are such terrible and naive liars. We all know what the plan is when mainstream Republicans like it and have a boner. Charters are part of the long-term war against education for the majority.

1. Starve public schools of taxpayers’ money by diverting it to private schools. Good luck getting your kid into the “good ones.” The average household won’t get dick to cover those costs. Besides, I should get a check too. I may not have children, but I do pony up over $2000/year to PISD and the lege gives me the other six.
2. With public schools gutted, the teaching unions can be destroyed next because only Amerika’s corrupt cop unions donate to the GOP. TEA and NES may protect a bad teacher now and then but the cops go to the mat to protect murderers.
3. Charters with “good” scores are bullshit. They cherry-pick their students unlike public ones saddled with special-needs children. Charters and religious schools love practicing open racism too. There’s one in NC demanding American Indian boys to cut their hair.
4. The “affordable” charters available for the pittance the Republicans pay, will most likely be the fly-by-night scams the Bush Family has been involved with. Remember the saying, if it’s too good to be true…it is. Ergo, thousands of non-affluent/rich kids will be screwed out of a decent education and their chances at university. How the One Percent prefers it, unless the kid is good at sports.
5. Now comes the endgame for the GOP! Education is really infrastructure, namely in how it maintains a well-informed electorate. In a generation, Amerika could have a dumbass movement dwarfing the MAGAts in gullibility. For the GOP, it’s easy with poorly educated people via terrible schooling or the rampant ignorance religious schools promote. Case in point, the White South African-run regime of the recent past kept the Black majority starved of vital funding for education amongst other things. Now they’re no longer in power and South Africa is a mess when it could’ve been an economically successful land with a healthy democracy. Instead it is devolving into another kleptocracy. This is the Republican Utopia.